The title alone says a lot without saying anything at all. However, that’s my truth. As I get older, I truly start to accept truths about myself but most importantly, I learn how to be completely honest with myself. I’ve been asked so many times about being single that it forced me to honestly sit in my truth and answer the question.
When you have several unsuccessful relationships under your belt, you have to think about what was your part in the break-up. Most importantly, you have to be willing to accept honesty from yourself. You simply were not ready to be in a relationship because you really never learned how to. Your relationship can’t be based off of everyone else’s advice. That NEVER WORKS OUT.
An important truth that I learned about myself and relationships was that I fear normality. Growing up, all of the women in my family never had a successful relationships. That was normal to me because it was all that ever saw. The women in my family usually ended up alone and never willingly or openly discusses why they were single. I am what I attract and I attract men who are abnormal. The problem is that when they start to exude abnormal normalities, I get scared and I leave.
I also have learned and become comfortable with being single. I have learned how to do things on my own and depend on myself. I have become extremely comfortable with being the only one in my space. So, when a man is truly interested in me and want’s to share in my space, I become uncomfortable. It is discomforting allowing another body in my space when I’ve been the only one in it for so long. That is not something that changes over weeks, months, or years. That change simply takes time.
An ex told me that I was never open with him. My therapist told me that I’m uncomfortable with vulnerability. I often think about both of these things and wonder why I struggle with them. I came to another conclusion that I much too often hold out on these things because I always assume that “He only likes me for one thing and then he will leave”. Since I usually assume that, I get scared and I find a reason to end things.
I made up in my mind what a successful relationship looks like and I have to let that go. There is no picture or instructions to what a successful relationship looks like. It is simply about possessing the ability to be honest and accept honesty in return.